Dear Swine Flu

Dear Swine Flu:

Well, well, well…. causing quite the commotion are we? It’s funny how quickly you rose to fame, when you really haven’t done much of anything. You’re like the Paris Hilton of seasonal illnesses. Everyday, newspapers, national cable networks, and political leaders are reminding all humans that Planet Earth is one step closer to complete and utter destruction at your expense. Emergency rooms across the country are flooded with worried hypochondriacs, who hold a variety of swine flu symptoms such as “scratchy throat”, “aches and pains”, and “I ate pork a week ago”. Theaters are closed, proms are postponed, and handshakes are no longer an acceptable form of greeting. The WHO and CDC medical experts have raised the level of alert panic to a five on a six-range scale, furthering shoving fear down the throats of citizens who fear you will invade their body the next time they leave the house. Even the new X-Men movie premiere and release had to be postponed in Mexico (I wonder how Twentieth-Century Fox handled that economic blow). But are you really worth the hysteria? Do you really have it out for all of us? Or are you just another influenza virus that comes around once a year without much fuss?

On average, 36,000 American citizens die every year from what we refer to as the “common flu”. In fact, a thousand people have died since January from flu strains other than the so-called swine flu. Although real people have lost their lives to you, they are all coming from Mexico. Even the child who passed away in Texas only crossed the border for hospital treatment. Is it a cause for concern for US or other countries, for that matter? Or is it just another example of the Mexican government’s disregard for precious human life? For years, health officials have warned against a type of flu that was created from a mixture of human and animal genetic material. Finally, the day came when we were faced with it, and there was no vaccination to prevent humans from catching it. In my opinion, the world had to overreact to your presence, swine flu. I mean, don’t you try to avoid being wrong by pointing fingers at others?

And what’s with the name anyway? As stated, you didn’t even develop from pigs. You’re a mixture of birds, humans, and pigs, to be quite honest. But on second thought, the HINI Virus doesn’t roll so easily off the tongue, does it? Unfortunately, pigs are getting the blame, with millions of pigs being slaughtered in areas with only one unconfirmed case.

So there it is, swine flu. We may have to continue hearing about you until the next pirate-hostage situation occurs near Somalia, or a crazed gunman murders his family due to economic stress. You might be able to scare the world into thinking you’re the second coming of the 1918 pandemic. But until I see you kill off 40-50 million people, I’m not impressed. I’ll be washing my hands frequently, vigilant of those who may be feeling under the weather, but that’s only because I’ve been doing it my whole life (I thought we were suppose to). You don’t scare me.



But I will be wearing a surgical mask to work tomorrow.


Love & Peace,
K

Dear Miss California

Dear Miss California,


In the words of the wise Martin Luther King, Jr:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt"*


I really think you should find a job that doesn't require you to degrade millions of your fellow Americans, and causes you to speak out against equal rights for all human beings.
During your years at San Diego Christian College (an evangelistic school... surprise? Not that theres anything nessecarily wrong with that. But really, are we surprised?) were you ever enrolled in a public speaking course? I will take the risk of being wrong and say No. Otherwise, you might be aware that a large percent of your target audience, the pageant community, is homosexual and were highly offended by your ignorant response to an emotionally sensitive question. Millions of people are having to hide their identity, thanks to individuals like yourself who ridicule their lifestyle, or become victims of heinous, vicious crimes when they do stand up for what they believe in. Children are subject to teasing, emotional abuse, and violence because of who they are, what they look like. Children are killing themselves because of the ridicule targeted at their sexual orientation. This issue goes beyond the socially Conservative ideology and opinions regarding the subject. A large majority of our citizens are members of the LGBT community, and we have to take care of our people. Regardless of our own personal feelings, we have to take care of our people.

You call yourself a "Ideal Christain" and I can't help but to question if that is a fitting term to describe your behavior. My God loves all people, big, small, black, white, purple and poka-dotted. Fat people, skinny people, straight people, gay people. Nice people, mean people, old people, young people. Free people, incarcerated people, county club people, poor people. If you follow the bible, like you claim you do, you should recall where God said He loves all people. If God has a problem with gay people, he would probably like to deal with it himself, seeing as how the bible states he is the only one to judge. Besides, he might be more concered about the effects of breast implants on your and your future children's health.

We're aware by now that things aren't "that way" were you come from, but I didn't realize that your tiny, simple-minded view of the world should be applied to the rest of us who have no problem basking in the reality of our culture.
And don't go blaming all the gays and homos... you would have lost anyway, idiot.

Hunny, you are a bright red shirt in a blue state.


Love & Peace,
K



*Martin Luther King, Jr